Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Mother Load: Revisited

Be Mama's Big Boy, come drink my fresh milk

OK, mommy needs her baby boy...
come lay in my lap and drink from my full breasts...
I'll keep you warm in a blanket and stroke your skin as you take your fill of my milk. mama rewards good boys, but if you are cranky at first that is ok, I'll take care of your needs. Send me a note telling me how thirsty and hungry you are. How badly do you need to latch on to my nipples while I keep you safe and warm like a good mommy should? more info makes this happen faster...and my TITS are feeling quite full, lets make this happen, Please help mama release some pressure. My place or yours. talk soon! Kathy


I’ll give everyone a minute to remove their head from the barf bag…Better now? No? Still seeing your morning coffee in reverse? Okay, one more minute for you…

Are we ready now? Great! If anyone else was a huge “Friends” fan like me, the image of Chandler and Ross jumping back with their eyes ready to roll out of their skull while Joey puts some of Carol’s stored breast milk into his coffee rushes into their mind like a raging, wheelbarrow wielding 45 year old lady, that owns over twenty cats, to a spilled truck load of Meow Mix. Granted, while watching that, you probably laughed it off but with poor Kathy here, you want to scratch your eyeballs out with a coat hanger and stab your thigh repeated with a used Spork just to make you think of something else, anything else. I agree completely!

Kathy’s attempts to find a mate by tempting the male gender with a nutritious, vitamin filled snack while they lay on a lap too small to hold them which belongs to a clearly unstable and barely legal stranger that has either overactive mammary glands, or a very small child attached to the other nipple, is preposterous! After all, what man will touch anything healthy without being threatened with bodily harm?

Maybe Kathy would have better luck saying her milk from her right breast tastes like a slider burger from White Castle and the left’s flavor would make them think they are chugging down an ice cold Miller Genuine Draft, as long as their eyes were closed and their tongue was covered in taste censoring blisters.

I wish Kathy all the luck in the world. After all, I remember the discomfort I felt when my breasts were so full of milk, I couldn’t even put my arms down at my side because, oddly enough, my armpits seemed to grow boobs. And I didn’t even have to lay on my back for that to happen! So any relief she can get is fantastic. Maybe we can put her in touch with Mack.



Guys, Wolverine is for you (and, come on, he's for me too! Rwarrr!) and I've given David Beckham to the ladies in hopes to prevent any scarring that I may be liable for. Weas uses cuteness, I use flat out fuckability! You're welcome.

12 comments:

Eccentric_Lady said...

Oy...man I remember getting queasy about the whole PETA (can't PITA also work for 'em?) and Ben & Jerry's ice cream debacle.

Not to mention the local radio show my husband loves listening too had a take on that too. GAG

Kinda female version to "Daddy's Girl" Weasel posted about but still nasty.

Ella said...

I like the fuckability factor. Nice touch.

Oh, and..
Is this woman insane! WTF! gross!

Amaocha said...

*loads catapult with rotten fruits and aims at Beckham*
Sorry, I dislike the man >.>

Anyway, as soon as I started reading I thought of Mack XD Glad you thought of it too..

Actually it is possible to make a woman lactate without her having a baby or her having hormonal problems.
Can't remember where I read it, but if sufficiently stimulated by regular 'breastfeeding' of a man or woman (takes mucho time though) eventually, it can bring a woman to produce milk regularly.
I just think "cow" though.

CutNJump said...

Thank you for the fuckability factor. Almost thought I would be reaching for brain bleach after reading the ad...


Maybe 'Mama's Boy' and 'Daddy's Little Girl' could get together and leave the 'parents' to creating another mental mess for the local psych ward...

Weasel said...

Victoria Beckham on the other hand is one of the finest women on earth. If he let me fuck her, I'd let him put his hand on my ass.

For 5 seconds.

Biskuits said...

Gaaah, this one hurt me in all kinds of places D: I don't know how you can bear reading so many of these things to go through and find one godawful enough to wank on; you're like some kind of superhero or something. The comment about the barf bags was well placed, since I totally threw up in my mouth a little bit while reading this XD

Ferret Fan said...

Okay, the idea of Kathy's ad is gross. But if I thought it would get me Hugh Jackman I would figure out a way to lactate!

Mary said...

AMEN FERRET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I eat my own toenail clippings if I thought I could bump uglies with Hugh Jackman!

CutNJump said...

Ok, I had to go look up Hugh Jackman. So I'm a little slow on the uptake.

Sorry, I'll pass. You can have him. He doesn't do anything for me.

You can keep him, I'll take Noah Wyle (Dr. Carter from ER) and a few others any day. I guess we all have our 'list' of who we would jump on and ride like a racehorse in a heartbeat if ever given the opprotunity.

Sadly though, so many men fail to live up to the ideal we have of them...

Ferret Fan said...

Cutnjump,

Seriously you have got to see more Hugh. He's 6'3" built and can sing and dance as well as do action movies. I saw him on Broadway in The Boy From Oz, when he stripped down to boxers I thought me and the entire gay brigade were going to rush the stage. The man has legs to die for and a great ass.
He can really ride too. He was in the MacGregor Saga filmed in Australia.

*Amber* said...

Weasel's comment just gave me a visual of him and Beckham doing an eifel tower over Victoria.

Thanks weasel, at least the image of a lactating bitch with a balding man suckling her teat was gone for a moment.

CutNJump said...

Ferret fan- to each their own. Besides look at it this way-

You don't like him? Good. All the more for ME!

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