i need hipster sperm, you need house cleaned......
Hey I am a 19 year old Hispanic girl seeking smart, attractive, well dressed, hipster, to donate sperm. Need somebody with good health, disease free, and no funky family problems like webbed feet, or a fondness for plaid. Really fashionable artsy a plus! I am looking to get pregnant and would require it to be done the "old fashioned way" Unless you would like to help me with the turkey baster (negotiable). In return I’ll clean your house for three months once a week on Sundays at 3 pm. send picture's please...... your place. Maria (xxx)xxx-xxxx
You: A pulse, 10 clearly defined toes, a complete pig that is far too lazy to pick up your shithole townhouse and get rid of the smell of week old urine and beer and Gayer then the Almighty Drag Queen Champion of The Greater San Francisco Bay Area.
Me: A warm hole and have my own yellow Rubbermaid gloves.
If you’re going to respond to our lovely friend, Maria, be sure to fork over your bankcard, wallet and any other source of money you may have. If you do that right away you’ll be ready and warmed up for the next 18 years and 9 months because buddy, she isn’t looking for sperm! That is just her way of reaching up through your pisshole to your wallet, taking a firm hold of it with a grip that would put the jaws of a rabid rabies infest pitbull to shame.
Not only are you facing seeing only 40% of all future paychecks, being forced to give up your spacious townhouse for a studio apartment where the only source of heat is the steaming piles of rat shit in the corners and trading in your Lexus for a 1978 Gremlin that is being held together with Mr. Twisties and packing tape, you can opt for not getting even a second of satisfaction out of this transaction by jerking off into a sandwich baggy then squeezing it into your Grandma’s turkey baster before handing it threw a barely cracked open door to someone on the other side that is talking to themselves.
I just ordered a 55 Gallon drum of Vaseline for the poor schmuck that falls for this dream girl! He’s looking to get laid, she’s looking to get paid.