Thursday, September 25, 2008

Time to put you slackers to work

I'm hoping to have a couple of new posts over the next few days but I'm getting ready to jump ship at my current farm for a new one.

That being said...I want you naughty little tarts to scour the net and find me the most insane outfits and/or size inappropriate clothing (remember, spandex is a privilege, NOT A RIGHT!) photos you can! Shoot 'em to my gmail.

If you fail to give me ammo, I will hunt you down and shove my yellow rubbermaid gloves that I just used to clean my gelding's sheath with right down your throat! Beans and all!


CutNJump said...

You use gloves?

Mary said...

Hell yes I do! The last time I didn't have any around and he was REALLY dirty. Like so dirty, I went through 3 tubes of KY. Anyway, the smell just wouldn't leave my hands. I went to work the next day with everyone wrinkling up their noses going, "What smells like ass?" Of COURSE I claimed it then shoved my hand in their face. Oddly enough, no one asks that question around me anymore.

Ella said...

Hahahaha I can see you doing that Mary and I don't even know you!
I honestly don't know much about horses so yeah..
My boss is obsessed though so its practically force fed to me.
I'll try to find something Mary but it takes more effort then I thought.

Amaocha said...

Ahahaha I can't remember the last time I had to clean a gelding's sheath... Been riding mares for the past few years so... :P
I think finding some horrorlicious adds will be fun albeit quite traumatizing.
I'll do my best!

Ella said...

btw, Mary, you inspired me to finally start my blog. I had the domain but did nothing with it. I find its a good distraction. (I have some reaaaaallly boring classes... hence the reason I've been a comment whore.)

Lynda said...

LMAO CNJ I thought the same thing!

"She uses gloves"... wow... LOL

Jewil said...

I use gloves too! Otherwise your fingernails will smell like ass for a week. Same goes for my mare and cleaning between her boobs.

Nosnikta said...

Oooooo I do love being a naughty little tart.

But, I can harvest my own beans, thank you lmao. Rubbermaid gloves? GLOVES ARE FOR WUSSIES!


Mary said...

I might be a wuss, but your hands smell like hot garbage so neener neener on you!

I have to go get "the looks" today. Thankfully my other half isn't with me. The last time he was and we were at walmart buying 7 tubes of KY and a pair of rubbermaid gloves, a little old lady kept giving me looks. Then a biker-type guy made snickering comments to his overly-tanned and way too processed biker-bitch looking thing. So my sweetie turned on his heels and said, "Ya, she lets me fuck her in the ass once a year. This time, I'm going for a 3 day marathon. The gloves are just in case my dick gets tired."

It's not an easy task getting me to turn red and look for the nearest beached whale to crawl under, but that time I thought for sure I was going to faint on the spot.

Nosnikta said...

HA HA!!!!! He's naughty!

I would use latex gloves cobbed from the doctor's office if any. The last time I was there, they were PURPLE!!!!

Two of my favorite riding partners are nurses, so they get good stuff like that all the time. One had never even seen her gelding drop down until last Fall (how she accomplished that feat is beyond me), so once we convince her that SHE has to clean him... not us, we're definitely going to set a date for a spectating party. :-D

CutNJump said...

Mary- My pony stallion gets a waxy build up. No beans, just a sticky, slimey goo. I run the hose up in there a bit with my hand over the end at least once a week, if not more often in summer when it is worse.

If I put a mare in the arena and tap his belly and tell him to drop it, he lets it hang for the world to see... He's proud of his parts!

The arab stallion same thing a rinse as needed and it keeps the smell and smegma down.

Never had a problem with a lingering smell- dish soap. Cuts the greasy slimey stuff and wipes out the smell. Maybe buying medical gloves and Excalibur will keep you from getting the looks...

I can totally see you sticking an 'ass smelling' hand under someones nose. Kinda like putting your feet up in a movie theater and forgetting the smell of urine and manure from cleaning stalls has permeated the soles of your shoes, until it begins drifting back towards you...

Buying tubes of lube?

Try being along for the ride when hubby is buying a case of yeast infection (or crotch rot) cream to combat skin fungus on a barnful of horses. Yep that looks interesting... *eyeroll*

Nos- my first gelding was 'shy' and wouldn't drop in front of me for over a year. Even when peeing he stood so his leg blocked whatever view I may have of his penis.

Ella said...

Uh, yeah, this convo is surreal.
Maybe just because I don't own/have anything to do with horses but still.
Y'all are talking about lube, ass hands and penis smegma. And yeast infections.
I think I'll stick with my cat.

Eccentric_Lady said...


Kinda with you there...took me a long time not to get queasy picking up after my dog when I first got her. (But now I get pissed when I see other canine land mines laying about from other owners not picking up after their dogs when I take her for a walk!)

I'll stick to dogs, thanks. Not quite that adventurous. *^ ^*

agustin96 said...

Nothing stops converation at a non-horsey dinner party like a good sheath cleaning story!

I was at one where we were talking about dogs and the wierd things they have eaten. I started telling about the time I was cleaning a sheath and how my dog ate the discarded glove. Obviously I had to explain the purpose and procedure...

Most people can handle the conversation until the part about the bean...

Floyd said...

Man, I made the mistake of going in bare handed with a friend's horse. She was a newbie (I tried to play gatekeeper and get her a sane first horse, but her hubby was friends with a horse dealer... not safe for a noob to go bean picking on a green, jumpy horse)
Next thing I know, five guys and the friend are sitting around drinking beer and watching. So I decide to be an asshat, and flip a bean on the husband's shirt. You would have thought it was toxic waste. Everyone took their lawn chairs back a good twenty feet.
Friend still won't clean sheaths, and has the vet out twice a year, since I told her I'd do it once to show her, and I meant it. I don't mind it, but if she won't pay me, I ain't doing it for HER horse.
I find the same orange pumice soap I use to get oil paint out of my skin works perfect for the smegma smell, and the between the teats gunk mares develop as well.
I'm not sure, because I plan on doing them all myself, but I don't know if the uninitiated would think sheath cleaning or expressing cat/dog anal sacs would be worse. (worked as a vet tech, and have done/seen/smelled some seriously nasty things)nmutt

Ella said...

Cats and Dogs are as far as I go. For anything involving the rectum will also involve the vet.

Number of people who have visited WMHW when they should be working: