Sunday, September 28, 2008

How much for a sandwich?

Seeking finaincal help
Help me out, i just moved to the area and need some money for rent and some other things, it wont be cheap but we can get to know each other and see how things go. Pam

I’m just going to throw it out there. You are a lazy, worthless sow. Get off of your 40 acre ass, roll outside and go sling some fries. Don’t eat those fries though. For pond scum like you, we will be serving Koala dung on a fresh slice of elephant foot shaving. To drink, you can wash it down with a hot, steaming cup of leech slime.

Pam, no man that actually has money will answer to this ad. If you’re looking to trade services for, say, two cups of the finest Famunda cheese* on your side of the tracks, then you’ll surely hit the jackpot. With it, you could make a tasty sandwich on your back bacon** with a healthy serving of butt butter***. So, ultimately, you would get a meal out of offering yourself to the highest bidder. I think you're setting the bar too high to expect anything else. After all, what do you truly have to offer?

Normally, when women are looking to make a buck or two off of a schmuck dumb enough to fall for them, they are sly, cool, calm, blood-thirsty giraffes that use their wiles, and by wiles I mean tits, to lure him in before taking over his checkbook and receiving a new car with vanity plates that say “ImWthStupid” on it.

Good luck, Pam. I’m sure someone will be seeing you under the nearest bridge!

*Famunda cheese; noun. Pronounced “fa-mun-dah” Definition: A cream cheese paste like substance that forms behind, and on, the male testicles after sweating all day and being forced to have the testicles rub against the leg. Reference: “From-under” the ballsack, Ball sweat.

**Back Bacon; noun. Pronounced “Bah-k Bay-con” Definition: The two bulbous mounds just above your hip bones on the lower part of your back. Reference: Muffin Top, Love Handles, Overflow

***Butt Butter; noun. Pronounced: “Buh-t Buh-ter” Definition: A thick, Elmer’s glue like residue that forms in ones ass-crack after sweating for an extended period of time. Reference: Anal Discharge, Gross.

Lesson complete.


Ella said...

Wow. Way to go with the definitions there.
She really expects men to just hand her money? If it worked that way I wouldn't be working 3 jobs. Come on, at least prostitute yourself or something. Hey, at least it's real money this time.

Eccentric_Lady said...


I could really feel the edge of your satire there. Hoy, sharp enough to put a chief's knife to shame - and I'm talking about the ceramic type.

CutNJump said...

Famunda- we just call it ball sweat.

Butt Butter is no more than Ass Cheese.

Similar to Boob Cheese- The sweat between your breasts because they are just large enough no bra can provide lift and seperation unless there is a crane and steel involved.

Weasel said...

I hate these fucking chicks, and they're everywhere looking for a handout.

I'd pity the guy who responded to this ad- and by pity, I mean laugh. You'd have to be a complete, desperate idiot.Funny thing is, she probably thinks she can do this without putting out.

Ella said...

Well at least she's not going in for a gangbang in exchange for WOW money. I'm still reeling from that winner.

Number of people who have visited WMHW when they should be working: