Saturday, September 20, 2008

Does this mask make me look fat?

An EPIC mount!
Hello I need 5000 world of gold for my epic flying mount. In return you can mount me. You have to have an account on the laughing skull server and I want the 5000 gold BEFORE we do anything, we can make the trade at your place since I can't host. Because I am having a lot of dumb guys message me who clearly don't have the gold make SURE to send: a picture of yourself and a screenshot of your character with the 5000g, I will be checking armory profiles, thanks. I play a level 70 night elf druid and would prefer someone who was into roleplaying (I have a costume!) but honestly anyone will do, as long as you have the gold. I would also be ok with a woman too, as long as you have the gold! Also not adverse to the idea of groups\anal. Please send a pic and be real and drug\disease free with 5000 gold on the laughing skull server. Betty

I'm sure Betty's parents had high expectations for their daughter. They were sure to pick out the best schools, took on second or third jobs just so their sweet daughter could travel abroad and become something great like an Ambassador, International Trade Executive or a doctor saving lives in a third world country. They could see her skipping through a field of Black-eyed Susans, hand in hand with a Biologist from only the best of families. They bought her first computer to help aid in her studies and her path to greatness that would make history.

Imagine their sheer terror as their beloved daughter showed up for the family Christmas dinner looking like she had just spent the last week chasing down 3 year olds on their big wheels with her homemade Staff of Eternal Alchemy because the sounds of their gleeful giggling distracted her and prevented her from leveling up and taking the evils Sloth Lord down and gain bragging rights over her clansmen.

Just when poor ol' Mum and Dad thought it couldn't get any worse, Betty introduces her "boyfriend" whom she tells Aunt Rosemary that she met as the result of a 4 person gang bang at her apartment. In order to stop her Aunt's impending heart failure, she quickly adds, "It's okay! It's not like I did it for nothing. I got a shitload of WOW money so I could by myself a troll to assfuck me in-between battles!!"

Christmas will never be the same. Neither will Aunt Rosemary who is now snorting her applesauce through a rolled up Dilbert cartoon clipping in-between attempts to bite her own ear. The family will forever blame Betty for her nervous breakdown. But Betty will never tell her secret that Aunt Rosemary was part of the hot, sweaty and gnome filled night and where Betty got her 5000 gold.

Men try many different attempts to attract the opposite sex. They buy gifts, show random acts of kindness, even pretend to like your best friend when they would much rather strip naked, dip themselves into a vat of pig urine and roll around repeatedly on top of fire ant hill the size of Delaware then spend one more night listening to her ramble on about her cute Jack Russell terrier that eats the crotch out of her underwear. Never, in a million years, did young boys think that when they were all grown up, wearing their Superman Underoos while slouched over a keyboard for days on end would be the key to getting some ass.
I'll stick to the old fashioned way of getting a man...having a pulse and leaving my house more then once a year.


Thingsthatperplexme said...

LOL. I know a handful of these gamer girls from way back in high school, and I'm pretty sure at least one of them could have posted this ad. Amazing!

And, since I'm late the party, congrats on your engagement! Does he have brothers? ;)

water_bearer said...

So is she saying she wants someone with 5,000 gold? Just checking, because yeah... it wasn't very clear.

Dear lord.

Why doesn't she just post:
"Will f*ck for 5,000g?"

Check that.

"Will f*ck ANYTHING for 5,000g?"

And is it me, or do her tits look like two empty wallets?

Ferret Fan said...

Not even real gold, she's fucking for FAKE gold! Is she crazy? FAKE gold. She can bet she won't get FAKE HIV or FAKE herpes.

Holy shit, she's willing to accept real dick for FAKE gold. Can you say the "World's Dumbest Prostitute!"

What next? Fucking for Monopoly money?

Ella said...

She's not even doing this for real money? WTF? I can not honestly believe people are that in to virtual reality games that they are willing to do a gangbang for virtual money. I don't understand her. Maybe because I'm sane. (sort of.)

agustin96 said...

I wonder if I can buy a REAL horse for 5000 WOW dollars... that would be sweet. Of course I don't play and not really interested in the proposed method of getting the gold.

Bad enough to whore yourself out for cash... but for imaginary cash for an imaginary horse??? How much more whoring will have to take place to virtually feed and shoe the thing?

Weasel said...

I have 4999 gold. DAMMIT

ChestnutJumper784 said...

Okay Mary. Second post and you've already blasted me once. I'm Jack Russell Girl.

ChestnutJumper784 said...

Well done.

Weasel said...

Good job Mary, laughed my ass off. I'll post a link on WWHM next week.

Mary said...

Chestnut, please accept my apologize as well as my half-eaten brownie. Just brush the dirt off, my yellow lab knocked it out of my hand.

Weasel: Great! Does that mean we get to make out now? I want to fondle your ball hammock!

Weasel said...

I'll have to challenge your fiance to a joust.

(By the way, I'll tell you what a reader told me when I first started- turn the "letter verification" off and youll get more comments.)

Mary said...

I just turned it off.

How the hell do you check traffic and shit?

The fiance said, "Okay! But the loser has to lick the bathroom floor!"

Mary said...

Things, he DOES have brothers! One is actually kind of cute the other is a retarded redhead. He's probably retarded because of my Honey though. But they're both single...and live together...with a cat...We're wonder if they're both Gay. They're great kids though.

Ferret Fan said...

agustin96 wrote:

>Bad enough to whore yourself out for cash... but for imaginary cash for an imaginary horse??? How much more whoring will have to take place to virtually feed and shoe the thing?

No shit! What if her virtual horse colics and needs virtual surgery? Is she going to fuck and suck her way through a vet bill? Does the guy playing Ye Olde Horse Doctor even take sex as a payment? Don't guys like that usually request a specific number of virgins with intact chastity belts and the keys to their daddy's castles?
Seriously, this stupid chick is not planning past the intial cost of her flying horse. What about upkeep? What about boarding? How fucking elven stupid is she?

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

*laughing my ass off here*


But it's funny!

Nosnikta said...

LOLOLOL.... I didn't even get past the title of this one when I had to stop in to say what an awesome job you've done with this so far!!!!!


LOL @ does this mask make me look fat.

G said...

The worst part was the arrogance of this woman. She actually posted after the sex had taken place (confirmation of the prostitution, same as if it were the Marvin Haggler look alike Hugh Grant goes after).
There's even a picture of the "epic mount"... and the thing she wanted to buy with the gold!

G said...

Sorry, the link is:

Jump to World of Warcraft "mount"

Havocec said...

She'd be better off asking for Canadian Tire money.

Number of people who have visited WMHW when they should be working: