Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Young And The Restless


younger girl for OLDER man......

I'm younger....but who cares....
I fantasize about being with an older man...
the very thought of it makes me shiver...
does not matter if you are already married...
would you like to be my daddy?
Email YOUR pic first to get mine....
plus your age...and where you live..

Carey


I have yet to understand why someone would want to call a person they want to ride like the sideways until next Sunday "mommy" or "daddy." I tested this theory out on my husband. He was busy pounding away like Big John through a mountain when I shouted, "Yes! YES! Spank me daddy!" I don't think even Superman could of stopped a speeding garden grub worm as fast as my husband came to a halt and said, "What?!" His penis shriveled up like a 3 week old green bean and his balls climbed so far up inside of him, I think I saw a glimpse of brillo pad in the back of his throat while he stared at me with his jaw gaping down.

He informed me the only thing his sperm has done for me is paste my eye shut the one time he missed his target. If his sperm had anything to do with my genetics, he wouldn't be drilling for oil with me. He then told me, "If you ever want to have sex again, do NOT refer to me in any word that has to do with being my father!" Point taken...comment never mentioned again. I was able to resume that nights events by saying I was a dirty, dirty whore instead. Game on!

So Carey, I'm thinking the only "older male" you'll be attracting with this ad is a guy old enough to be your great grandfather, smells like Ben-Gay and Talc Powder, and will require you to crush his Viagra and feed it to him with his afternoon Snack Pack.


"Older men," this gal is looking to get into your will then over-dose you on your Centrum Silver. She doesn't think your dashing or cultured, she thinks you're her ticket to a life full of buff men named Juan and Rico peeling Milky Way bars so she can eat them off of their rock hard butt cheeks. To catch her attention, make sure you smoke 4 packs of Pall Mall Straights, drink a full bottle of E and J and have a bad ticker. If your medical bill is longer then Santa's Naughty list and your bank account has more numbers in it then she has toes and tits, she's all yours!


And trust me, she won't be a Playboy model like my example...but you will need to be the bag of bones!

7 comments:

Havocec said...

I was able to resume that nights events by saying I was a dirty, dirty whore instead. Game on!
****

That is hysterically funny..

But ugh, to the Anna Nicole wannabees...

Is that a plastic tarp on the floor? In case he pees himself or in case he dies and needs to be removed with ease?

Blatant Animal-Related Idiocy said...

Yeah, the very thought of it makes me shiver, too. And not in a positive, life-affirming way.

Biskuits said...

Haha, I'll admit I have a thing for older men, too (I think it's the voices that do it, I really do), but not so old that they can only feed intravenously.

Nosnikta said...

(giggle).. I'm gonna try that with my man... TOO FUCKING FUNNY!

Havocec said...

biskuits said

"(I think it's the voices that do it, I really do), "

I hear voices too.

CutNJump said...

I haven't tried calling my dear Johnie Rotten "Daddy" during sex, but surely that would be a mood killer of extraordinary measure. I doubt the dirty whore deffense would even return any sense of the mood.

Even the broad in the pic resembles Anna Nicole.

I too have always had a thing for older men, but we are talking a few years difference in ages. Not centuries!

Jeezus, why doesn't she just go trolling the nursing homes?

Nosnikta said...

This photo is so disturbing. She looks like someone slapped lipstick on their pet pig and the poor old guy can't even sit up by himself.

He does look happy, but it's probably delirium.

Do I smell urine?

Someone get that old guy away from the pig before she eats him alive.

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