Saturday, November 29, 2008

WOWza

Girl seeking WoW player

Do you like to PvP in the World of Warcraft? Do you want to have sex with a girl playing arena in the eighteen-hundreds bracket? Do you want to have sex with me WHILE I play arena? I will be playing my druid.. she is in full Season 3 and some Season 4. I play with another female player on her warrior, but she is not going to physically join us.. she will be on vent or skype listening in, but mostly her purpose will be to keep the game going smoothly by letting me know what is happening so I don't have to pay much attention. You must be ok with vaginal and anal penetration, as well as eating me out, and you must be able to finish on me twice within one hour. But more importantly, you must be familiar with the game. You should be not only yelling things like, "Your pussy feels so good on my dick" but also pay some attention to my arena game(s). And be loud. Remember, I'll have my headset on to talk to my partner. "Root him!", "Cyclone so I can pull out and fuck your ass" and so on. You must be kinky, naughty, and very horny. I will be quizzing you, so if you are not sure about your stuff, please do not respond.
What you have to do/have in order for me to consider you: - You must have at least one level 70 in equivalent gear, maybe we can chat about it. - You cannot be overweight, but also not the muscle jock body type with a brain the size of a pea. Chubby is BEST! - You must be able to spell. - You must be at least 20 years old and no older than 29. - At least 5'10". - No blondies. - Dark hair, dark eyes - Prefer uncut, but you must be clean. Circumsized will be considered, but not preferred.
About me: - I am 5'8" - 150lbs - Blue eyes and brown hair. - I know a lot about video games. - I want to fuck you while I play arena if you fulfill the above requirements. - I am very tight.. I have not had sex in about 8 months.

Tonya

Let's pick this apart by the key points!

Do you want to have sex with me WHILE I play arena? Generally speaking, men tend to be intimidated by multitasking women. Women who can make dinner, fold laundry, balance her checkbook and dust the book shelves all while neutering their husband, scare the bajeezers out of men. Amazingly enough, it isn't the fact that she can hog tie her husband, slap a super tiny rubber band at the base of his ball sack and slice those bad boys off with the flick of her wrist and a paring knife in under 4 seconds isn't what scares them, it's that she is doing all of those other things as well! Take the whole robbing of the jews away and they will still snivel in the corner like a spanked puppy. This is not a selling point, Tonya.
she will be on vent or skype listening...but she is not going to physically join us - Jesus! Way to tease! I can just see it now, some 29 year old momma's boy thought he was was not only going to lose his virginity, but do it in a threesome! Then WHAM, like a kick in the crotch from a screaming 9 year old girl scout that you offered money to for a look at her "goods," your hope is lost.
You must be ok with vaginal and anal penetration, as well as eating me out, and you must be able to finish on me twice within one hour. This is where Tonya reels them in then steps on their forehead while wearing steel toed golf shoes. Men are a-okay with pounding a pussy like their shaft is an out of control jackhammer, that's a given. If you add the fact that they can drill for brown gold, they think they have been given the best Christmas gift since Ralphie got his BB gun. Where you lose hope, Tonya, is the getting off twice in an hour. Should you of said twice in 24 hours, you would of gotten more replies then the Olson twins looking for a middle aged man to join them in a 3some.
But more importantly, you must be familiar with the game. This is your saving Grace, men. You talents, or lack there of, within the realms of sex aren't nearly as important as whether or not you can march into a CGI feild and slaughter 142 dwarfs on your computer monitor. So if you couldn't find a woman's G-spot with TomTom, a flashlight and breadcrumbs, dazzle her with your newest Shield Of Neverending Virginity and stab some poor unaware tree elf right in the toe.
"Cyclone so I can pull out and fuck your ass" One of my personal favorite melt-my-heart lines from a movie is, "The greatest thing you ever learn is to love and be loved in return." Should a man ever speak that to me, my shoes will fill up with a gooey substance. For Tonya, she prefers a different aproach. Be blunt. Be exact. Use gaming terms. Go for the glory, tiger!
You must have at least one level 70 in equivalent gear, maybe we can chat about it. Again, your cervix stabbing skills aren't the highest priority. What's more important is that you haven't seen the light of day in 3 weeks.
Prefer uncut, but you must be clean. Circumsized will be considered, but not preferred. If, when you remove your Superman Underoos, it looks like a headless turkey is trying to escape from your ass, Tonya will be putty in your hands.
I want to fuck you while I play arena if you fulfill the above requirements. - I am very tight.. I have not had sex in about 8 months. I'd like to think that there isn't a man alive that would answer Tonya, for many obvious reasons, but come on, we know her email has been filled faster then Harold and Kumar's toilet after they made it to White Castle. If they hesitated over the first part of her ad, that last line would of pushed them over the edge and caused their stubby, and amazingly nimble, fingers to drop their Joystick, and game controller, to email our Druid.

9 comments:

Eccentric_Lady said...

Holy Crap.

I know I'm a gamer, but um, sex and gaming don't mix at all - sex is better when you're fully involved in the act, not acting like it's just a need being filled...

That's not kinky, that's lowering the standards of nerds...friggin' Otaku gal.

horsegal said...

OMG, that is HILAIRIOUS Mary! The ad was just insane.. but your commentary.. *mopping up coffee from monitor*... a lovely way to start the day!

GREAT POST!

Hyena Overlord said...

Is she related to the one who was willing to sleep with someone for points?

RebelJubilee said...

Good Lord, this is as bad as the ones on WWHM! Apparently the fairer sex, well, isn't...

Nosnikta said...

Is this about butchering chickens? LOL what's with the necks?

I'm so lost. I'm not a gamer in any shape or form and this was pretty greek to me. Cripes, I get ticked when the man wags it at me when I'm trying to write a post. How in hell can you play a game while having a dick shoved up your ass?

Maybe that's what the chicken necks are for???? lol

Trainer X said...

OH-A-MY-A-God. Tanya has a few too many issues. And it makes me laugh on so many different levels.

www.ihateyourhorse.blogspot.com

CutNJump said...

Apparently someone is a bit too into the whole multitasking thing.

Wow. Just wow.

Wouldn't she think the guy would want someone who at least acted like they were enjoying his efforts?

Calantha said...

Um . . . damn, this is so warped I'm at a loss for words.

Lynda said...

We have a guy at work who is totally addicted to WoW. This would be a match made in heaven! He's chubby and plays all the time... We have to go to Oklahoma city from time to time for training and when he's there he plays 24/7 all weekend.. shows up at class on monday wiped out...

He does have a girlfriend though. From what I hear she's just like him. They each have their own systems in their house... God I hope they dont breed!

Number of people who have visited WMHW when they should be working: