Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A bit? Noooo! Not YOU!

i'm a bit of a freak or so i am told... suppose that came from a life lived almost exclusively in pursuit of everything and anything magickal... so my psi function runs a little hot... i can remote view with a pretty high degree of accuracy, leave my body and travel to the astral at will, listen to the thoughts of others and sometimes directly manipulate physical reality at the quantum level (although not in a repeatable under protocol way quite yet...) Dani

I found the biggest collection of What The Fuck ads ever! You know the kind where you tilt your head and wonder if they moved computers into the padded rooms within local nut wards.

Let's take Dani's ad for example. What she is telling you is that if you date her, don't even think about cheating. She can leave her body, find you and force you to walk out into the middle of the street and get hit by a run-away Mammogram van. The old adage about wearing clean underwear will be running through your head as you stare down at your flaccid and completely exposed trouser inch worm. Think of the look on your Grandma Betty's face as she reads the paper and sees a big black box over your naked naughty bits and reads the headline "Mammogram Machine Flattens More Then Boobs."

Or she is just totally fucked in the head and you can atleast get a night of sheet-shredding sex from her. Just be sure to ignore the growling and don't make eye contact. Also, if you see her grab jumper cables and a metal pasta strainer, run.


Tribblehappy said...

LOL this is my favorite so far. My god, it sounds like my last room mate. She can only get into serious internet relationships, nothing real life...

CutNJump said...

"Mammogram Machine Flattens More Then Boobs."

Beautiful! Fucking Beautiful!

If she is so all seeeing, all knowing, she should know exactly why she has no dates, boyfriend, fiance or husband.

She can hear their thoughts. Why can't she hear them thinking- "GAWD! This broad is fucking NUTS!"

The Half-Assed Blog said...

Wow. There's wackaloon crazy and then there's this ad.

I'm surprised she didn't go into aura colors and indigo children and all that.

CutNJump said...

Wackaloon- I love it, mind if I use it?

The Half-Assed Blog said...

Not at all. I'm pretty sure I copped it from someone else but I can't remember who.

There can never be an overabundance of words to describe crazy people.

Number of people who have visited WMHW when they should be working: