Thursday, May 21, 2009

How Much Wood Could A Woodchuck Chuck?

Timber! Falling downward is the lumber of my love. You grind your axe of passion into my endangered headlands. Don't make me into a bureau. I want to be lots and lots of toothpicks. ~Carey

Ahhh, yes, here we have the classic twisting of words and terms to make you look fun and interesting. Whereas sometimes this does work, I have one word for our lovely Carey today…”FAIL!” For starters, when you’re looking to pick up a man, who most likely still giggles when someone says “duty” and “hard”, referring to splitting “wood” into a million toothpicks is more likely to render the potential suitor into the fetal position while grabbing their hairballs and spitting out “Damn bitch, that would hurt!” through gritted teeth. If you can manage to get through their sobbing, you might be able to explain that it is a metaphor, and then explain what exactly a metaphor is. Odds are though; you aren’t getting a date this way. Try again next year and remember that boys are fun, but they aren’t bright enough to know what a “bureau” is…unless they are gay and if that is what you are seeking, I’d suggest a very good plastic surgeon might be in order.


Calantha said...

LMAO this reads like something you'd find in a romance novel! Far too flowery to be taken seriously.

Cut-N-Jump said...

Bet she changes her tune with the first splinter!

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