Ahhhh, yes, it's good to be back home! I've had a very busy two weeks. Between interviews, autograph signing and the ever-present male suitor trying his best to win a moment of my time with his awe inspiring wiles, I've hardly had the time to write!Don't I look so happy? They were placing the crown of dog treats on my head right here.
I haven't forgotten you all. My loyal followers whom I love so much, I'd give my one front tooth to slather you with a vat of strawberry jam topped with chicken gravy and gobble you up...Sorry, I got a little choked up just now. Either that or I have a little left-over blubber caught in my gullet from the beluga feed to celebrate my win.
I thought I'd share the runner ups with everyone. They were sore losers! They claimed I shaved my bunions off and gave the judges foot jobs and that's how I won. It's not my fault they didn't own an industrial strength steel grinder like I do!
This is Elsa. They snapped a shot of her just as my name was announced. She was a mean bitch and I wear she put some of her short and curlies in my coffee grounds. It tasted a lot like rancid goats milk. Elsa was First Runner Up and I think she is plotting to tie my pit hairs to the bedframe so I can't live up to my duties. Don't let those supple lips and sexy eyes fool you, she's a meanie-head!
Here we have Cindy. Cindy was the 2nd runner up and frankly, she scares the shit out of me. She warned me that if she didn't win, she would snap my fallopian tubes in half so I couldn't have kids. But the joke is on her! My mom and dad were also brother and sister. I was born with my fallopian tubes on my forehead. My cousin, who is also my grandma and niece, said my mom had them removed so I wasn't teased growing up. Thanks mom! Oh, back to Cindy, I do have to say she has the most sexy voice ever! I just couldn't figure out why everyone was asking if Barry White was a guest judge whenever she talked. Look for one of my publicity stops in a town near you!! I'll be handing out my underwear, signed of course, with a picture of the two of us together. Meow!
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6 comments:
I think contestant #1 lost the "I got yer nose" contest to contestant #2. I won't say anything about contestant #3 cuz she'll beat me up. Her marathon swimmer boyfriend is on WWHM as we speak, I think.
Oh my god, what happened to her nose??
As for Mrs. Muscles there, I love it when female body builders have boobs because you KNOW they're fake. You can't have that much muscle definition AND keep your real breasts... *snork*
The first one looks like she had surgery done to replace . . . part of her missing face? Hard to tell.
I kind of hate that female bodybuilders have to get implants. Can we blame that on those comic books that have ripped heroines with beach balls glued to their torso?
My... my eyes... they bleed...
Quick must, think of sexy Russian men and women, must.. think of girlfriend must.. forget...
Mary, we deserve a fuckability factor.Or how ever you call them. I'm too troubled to remember at the moment
Oh jesus god... pardon my blasphemy but I just had Reeces Peanutbutter cup come out my nose over these.
Holy freaking crap.
At first I thought the first woman was Michael Jackson.
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